


OUT

by Twinkeeper



Category: Slam Dunk
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Coming Out, Frenemy turns bromance turns boyfriends, Future Fic, Gen, M/M, Professional basketball players
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-12
Updated: 2014-09-11
Packaged: 2018-02-17 01:48:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2292437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twinkeeper/pseuds/Twinkeeper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hanamichi and Rukawa doing the bravest thing they have ever done. A flash back story ranging in 6 years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Again, this is story I had written a very, very long time ago, but lost. It is very fortunate I tracked them down and found someone is saving them. Thank you so much. I admit that there are chapters I swore had written but missing somewhere, and since I don't have the original file anymore I can only promise that I do my best to rewrite the best I can according to the best I can remember. But if any of you still keep the whole finished piece, please let me know... :D

Kaede

2002

Now that he was here, right here, and shivered uncontrollably, he finally realized that he had spent his rent money on garbage. What was he doing in this particular barren place called *his* apartment?

Surely it was pathetic to spend two thousand dollars a month for a dark place with a broken heater and not complaining that it was a complete rip-off. But then again, who cared anyway? He didn't from the very beginning. Two thousands a month was an insubstantial amount of money compared to his two-million dollars a year salary. Two thousands a month was a *great* bargain for buying security.

"What is this? The Arctic Convention or something?" Hanamichi groaned loudly behind him. Yep. Two thousands a month was an *incredible* bargain to buy pleasant surprises in his life, like hearing the do'aho finally shedding his "do'aho"-ness and managed to know something about Arctic and its association to something freezing.

And he pronounced "convention" flawlessly too.

"Where do you want me to start, then?" Hanamichi eagerly flipped on the light. His face had turned into his standard comical grin, too satisfied with things he perfectly had planned inside his head and able to carry it out without disturbance. He bouncily pulled his oversize, empty suitcase he had marvelled on and on during their ride in the cab toward the bedroom. Of course he didn't expect Kaede to ever answer such a trivial and unimportant question like that, because he basically already knew what to do. It was just like Hanamichi to spend so much energy talking things unimportant and never expected to get a reply anyway. Especially from him.

But today was the day of days, and Kaede had been feeling generous. Instead of ignoring him like he usually did, he followed him, and actually... talked. "Glad I'm going to get rid of this," he mumbled.

"Huh?" Hanamichi stopped abruptly and turned his head. The gesture had almost made him knocking Kaede's forehead, yet as usual he just grinned idiotically as if nothing lethal had almost happened.

"Yeah, yeah," he nodded with an enthusiastic bobbing movement. "Good riddance. Baka. Never thought you had some sentiment in you, eh? The way I see it, there's just simply nothing good came out from this place."

Again, a comprehensive sentence delivered perfectly in a well-thought punchline. Kaede snorted. This was another cause of celebration.

"Do'aho." Of course, that word said it all. Kaede sat on the edge of his cold, well-made, never-used bed and watched his friend sitting on the floor, rummaging his wardrobe closet and put everything inside his giant suitcase.

Hanamichi stopped for a moment, and turned toward Kaede, giving him a weird look. "*Electric* toothbrush?" he said incredulously, lifting the object of his attention. "Since when do you have teeth?"

And that was priceless. Him, Sakuragi Hanamichi, looking like that, fully in his element. Because he wasn't always looking like that, especially this later years, where innocence finally fade away and growing up became a painful experience. Kaede thought that two thousands dollar a month was *nothing* compared to what he could get from it.

He exhaled. A deep, coming from the bottom of his stomach-kind of sigh, full of contentment and relief. Congratulation was due, he thought, because now nothing would ever be the same, and it seemed that all going great and good.

"Condoms!" Hanamichi now squealed, his face full of mock horror. He curiously shook the box, seemingly satisfied to know that it really was unopened since the day it came out from the factory, and checked on the price tag at the side. "Nineteen ninety nine?" he gasped. "Kitsune, is this a piece of furniture or come as a bonus for the apartment?"

Kaede swung his legs over until his knees softly touching his friend's back and took Hanamichi's chin. And then he kissed him, just barely, letting his lips catch the bottom of Hanamichi's, producing a soft, wet, full of sexy association kind of noise that instantly made his groin grow hard. That never failed to produce instant reaction, because the next thing he knew, Hanamichi was crawling on top of him, tongue lapping on his syrupy mouth, hands busy trying to uncover everything he wore. He was dizzy, and suddenly felt everything hot. As if the heater was turned on and cranked to the top notch, making him nauseous and excited at the same time.

Then two hours had passed, and Kaede was lying on his now messy bed. Naked, sweaty and gorgeous, and looking at Hanamichi like they had forever, and that Hanamichi also looking at him like they had gone to heaven.

"So," Hanamichi grinned. "Ready to go, now?"

And things had never been better.

***

Hanamichi

1996

Hanamichi already had four things in his own version list of Seven Wonders. One was the fact that he turned out to be a *serious* basketball player in his high school years. That surprised the hell of everyone, including himself, the person who hated basketball with a vengeance before. Yet, his Wonder wasn't about how he turned out to be one of the greatest player in Shohoku High, or in Kanagawa prefecture actually, since he had full faith on his genius, it was more on the fact that he was actually *dedicated* to the game and never for a single moment had ideas to give it up.

That first Wonder gave away to his second Wonder, which was the uncovering of his true attractiveness quality to girls. He remembered how surprised, and extremely flattered, he was when he got his first love letters and adoring recognition from various girl-fans during his games. Well, maybe the scale wasn't any near as large as Rukawa's, but compared to his dark history of "girl problem" in his Wako Junior High, this was earth-shattering shocking.

However, his crush toward Akagi Haruko remained unrequited. She never got over her own feeling for Rukawa, and Hanamichi was too competitive and arrogant when it came to Rukawa. He couldn't settle to be a substitute and second best to Rukawa, despite the fact that Haruko *did* consider to get steady with him. So, after a bittersweet long wait, it was he himself who severed the emotional ties and got over her. That turned out to be great, because she became even a better friend. It wasn't a surprise that later on she ended up with Yohei. Yohei was perfect for her, because he didn't have any mental block against Rukawa. He was out of the competitive circle and completely not associated to anything basket ball. This had made him incomparable to any of Haruko's crushes, and gave him a chance to reveal his true self and worth for Haruko's eyes. After some moments of awkward embarrassment, Hanamichi gave his best friend his blessing. He couldn't get anyone better than Yohei for Haruko.

Then, his third Wonder was his so-called "academic achievement". He passed high school to everyone's amazement, and actually successful in entering university. The later on might be attributed more on his invaluable basketball skill. The university wasn't exactly a good one and willing enough to disregard his low marks over the chance to be known to have a strong basketball team. But still, he didn't end up being a punk in the street. If there was a good thing come out from it, the rest of Sakuragi Gundan, except Yohei who was always smarter than the rest of them, accompanied him there. The big question mark was whether he could graduate. But it was still too early to decide, and he honestly wasn't that worried. He was a very determined person, and knew that somehow he would pull it off. After all, he was a Tensai.

Today was the occasion worth to be his fourth Wonder. Akagi Takenori, his first basketball captain and mentor, whom he secretly had a soft spot on, was getting married. It was incredible how the Gorilla ended up to be the first one settling down. Yet, he thought gleefully, it wasn't actually a surprise anyway, since the Gori was a rather domestic-kind of guy, with all of his mothering instinct covered in a fistful kind of affection. Marriage suited him, even though getting one at twenty two was rather too fast. What actually amazed Hanamichi was the fact that the Gori managed to get a girl. A pretty one, actually.

Apparently those kinds of thoughts were on everybody's mind. The wedding reception was full of people, and became to be an amazing occasion of reunion. Not only Hanamichi saw his former high school teammates present, but also his former high school rivals from Kainan, Ryonan, Shoyo, even some from Toyotama and Sannoh. Of course part of it came from the fact that the Gori entered a prominent basketball university, in which most of high school starplayers in Japan flocked in. More or less, it was a great occasion, and Hanamichi admitted that he had a really great time.

Ryota looked good, and to his relief, finally got steady with Ayako. The man had been babbling almost incessantly to him the minute he saw Hanamichi coming. It was rather flattering to know that his second captain genuinely *happy* to see him.

"I must admit, without you, my life had been too peaceful," Ryota grinned. "Kyoto Uni was great, but Sendoh, Uozumi, Maki and Fujima combined together could not compete your individual idiocy."

"Hah!" Hanamichi snorted. "As if you can replace me. Admit it, Ryo- chin, you miss me, don't you?"

The smile Ryota gave him might be lopsided, but it was full of affection. "Yeah. I..., no, *we* do miss you, idiot."

Hanamichi hugged him. "Ryo-chin!!"

When dancing started, Ayako, Mitsui and his girlfriend joined them. They genuinely pleased to see Hanamichi, whom blushed furiously when being introduced to Mitsui's girl, thinking that she sort of looked like Haruko and Yoko combined into one.

"So, you didn't end up with her, eh?" Mitsui grinned, pointing out toward Haruko dancing with Yohei.

Hanamichi was quite surprised that the pang he felt was insubstantial. He had no idea that he had gotten over her that completely. "Pity, huh?" he grinned in a good sport manner. "She looked absolutely great."

Mitsui looked at him thoughtfully for a moment, and smiled warmly, "Can't waste that charm on a single woman, right? How many girlfriends do you have now?"

Hanamichi laughed. "The Tensai practically runs a harem now! Even he must turn down some of the offers!"

After rounds of champagne-gluttony, their group turned into the most boisterous one in the party. Hanamichi had managed to steal the scene when he ran to the center of the hall and danced in his usual erratic style, resulting in a hysterical giggles and applauses from his friends. Their group had grown rapidly, which included Kiyota who joined Hanamichi's antics in no time, Maki, Fujima, Sendoh, Uozumi, Koshino, Hanagata, some of their respective girlfriends and numerous friends. Even Akagi spent sometime joining them, before their parents drag him around to meet some other guests and relatives.

It was Kogure who finally put a hold on the flowing alcohol being served into such a riotous group.

Kogure, Akagi's best man, was looking very happy. Glowing, in fact, that he looked like the one getting married. It was very touching that he remained Akagi's best friend and side kick. Mitsui admitted it secretly, that when it comes to loyalty, Kogure was the best example. "And the fact that it was him who binds the ex-Shohoku players together even after all this time," he said to Ryota. "Yet, we must admit that the glue that tighten things up is *him*."

That *him* was now drenching with sweat. His ridiculously red hair was plastered damply on his head, provoking Kiyota to comment on the remarkable resemblance of him with a carrot. Always too sure that everybody was talking about him, Hanamichi stopped his dancing and ambled back toward his friends with a grin so big everyone wondered whether it would split his face into two.

Mitsui laughed, "I never thought that there comes the day I admit how I miss this idiot."

Hanamichi gave them his patented insane laughter.

Suddenly, a hush spread from the corner of the hall. The group stopped their chattering and turned their head toward the source of distraction.

"I'll be damned," Ryota whistled when he saw the last of the expected guest finally arrived. "No matter where he is, he still manages to turn every head around."

Hanamichi and Kiyota both snorted with mock disgust.

"He's...," Ayako widened her eyes. "...Gorgeous!"

Ryota snapped his head toward his girlfriend with jealousy burning in his eyes, while Hanamichi quickly glanced toward Haruko who stopped dancing with Yohei and stood so still and stunned.

"Dimwit!" he jumped with real disgust this time. "What's the matter with these girls?"

It was Sendoh who chuckled softly. "Judging from my point of view, I can't blame them at all."

Hanamichi rolled his eyes and stood his 191 cm height up. He yelled, "KITSUNE!" then squeaked when Ayako whacked his head with her handbag, shouting, "Who are you calling dimwit, you idiot?"

The man that stole everyone's attention looked at them coldly, before muttering, "Do'aho," and proceeded to join the rest of them.

"Hah!" Hanamichi grinned. "Still the flat face, huh?"

Actually, "flat" was an understatement. Even Uozumi, the most indifferent man on any physical attribute from a person, was stunned to see Rukawa. Handsome was not an adequate word to describe how he looked now, while 'beautiful' seemed to be feminizing the strange, exotic aura of male attractiveness perfection from him. He was now reaching 190 cm, yet didn't turn wider like Hanamichi, nor gaunter like Hanagata. He was slim, lithe, graceful and harmonious, with muscles perfectly sculpted, making him extremely elegant. It was the glow on his face that made him so angelic. It was no wonder all the female guests were completely speechless.

As usual, it was Hanamichi who had all the honesty of a child to express himself. "Baka, Kitsune. You've grown so pretty it really pisses me off!"

"Where has he been all this time?" Yohei asked his girlfriend, frowning to see her gaping at her former highschool crush in amazement and adoration.

"America," Haruko whispered, eyes turned into little hearts. "His parents enrolled him in North Carolina University."

Yohei snorted. "He didn't change."

It was true, indeed. Ryota and Mitsui were extremely amused to see Rukawa gave them his authentic poker face and cynical silence.

"I heard that you've been very famous," Kogure greeted Rukawa with sincere admiration.

"Some people don't deserve it," Kiyota said with stinging tone.

Maki did not even disguise his obvious envy. "Is it true that you've been drafted as a rookie by the Chicago Bulls?"

Rukawa shrugged and parked his lazy body on the seat beside Hanamichi, practically pushing Yohei out of the way, then blinking his eyes sleepily. Everyone sweatdropped.

"Teme, you've never changed!" Hanamichi laughed loudly. "I sort of wonder why your headshape didn't flatten yet."

Rukawa slowly turned his head around, recognizing all the familiar faces with indifference. The only time he took an interest was when he saw Yohei dragging Haruko away from them.

"You didn't end up with her?" he asked in a surprisingly complete sentence toward Hanamichi.

"Why did everybody ask me that?" Hanamichi pouted. Then he reluctantly answered, "No, I didn't end up with Haruko-san."

"Figures," Rukawa snorted. "All that big mouth without real courage."

"BAKA!" Hanamichi lifted both his hands, ready to strangle Rukawa. Suddenly, he stopped and looked at Rukawa's face with suspicious twinkles in his eyes. "And what about you, you drooling fox? The way I've seen it you have nothing to be proud of."

Kiyota jumped in gleefully. "What's the matter? Those American girls aren't interested with you?"

Ayako said in a pretentious innocence, "I heard from my cousin who also entered North Caroline State said that Rukawa is very popular among the girls."

"I don't see any girlfriend around him," Kiyota said adamantly.

"Hmph," Hanamichi scowled darkly. "First impression is always misguiding. I'm not surprised that they ran as far as possible from him the minute he fell asleep during a date and burped that stinky breath of him all over their hair."

"I'm not interested," Rukawa answered. This stopped Hanamichi from continuing his tirade.

"Excuse me?" Kogure leaned forward.

"I think he wants to say that he's not interested with any girls," Sendoh said with amusement.

Kiyota gaped. "What! Don't tell me that he's *gay*!"

Hanamichi blinked. "Gay?"

Rukawa gave Kiyota a cold glare. "Not interested with the boys either."

Sendoh, Fujima, and Maki laughed.

"People don't interest you that much, do you?" Kogure smiled toward the shrugging Rukawa.

Hanamichi turned toward Kiyota. "What's a *gay*?"

"Stupid monkey," Kiyota gave him a weird look. "It's homosexual. Sexual orientation toward people of the same gender. Got it?"

"That makes Rukawa asexual, I think," Fujima said with repressed laughter.

Hanamichi blinked again. "Asexual?"

"You're hopeless," Kiyota sighed loudly. "It's when a person doesn't have any sexual orientation."

Hanamichi turned toward Rukawa. "Geez, Kitsune! If you don't like people, then what do you like?"

"Basketball," Rukawa said boredly, giving Hanamichi a look that said 'I-can't-believe-that-you-don't-know-anything-about-it-yet'.

Hanamichi turned toward Kiyota gleefully. "I knew it. He's a *basketsexual*!"

Everyone sweatdropped.

The night dragged on, until Ayako, Maki's girlfriend and Mitsui's girlfriend requested their respective boyfriends to go home. Sendoh watched them go with interest, and noting the sudden silence from Fujima. He wasn't surprised when the pretty boy announced his intention to go home as well. This prompt him to also raise from his seat.

"I'd like to go home too," he winked toward Hanamichi, Kiyota, Rukawa and Kogure. "I don't think Hanako will be happy if I come home later than her. Her shift almost ends."

"Hanako?" Kiyota asked. "The last time I heard you're living with a girl named Kobo-chan."

Sendoh whacked his head.

Kogure giggled, then turned toward Rukawa. "Are you staying in the city, Rukawa?"

"My plane will leave the day after tomorrow."

"Do you have a hotel, yet?"

Rukawa shook his head.

"Then where are you going to stay? I know that vacant rooms are very difficult to find in this city during weekends."

Rukawa shrugged. "No idea."

"Aw, geez!" Kiyota slapped his forehead. "He's as hopeless as the red monkey. Rukawa, are you expecting Akagi to provide tents for you?"

"Let him sleep on the street," Hanamichi snorted.

"I would love to take you home with me," Kogure said sheepishly. "However, my plan is to drive back to Kazuo tonight. That may be impractical the day you have to catch your plane."

"I have no room, since I'm staying at my parents' house," Kiyota said.

"Ha! Serves you right, kitsune!" Hanamichi said with satisfaction. "Go find your hotel on your own, though being stranded in airport may suit you better, you bum."

"Why don't you take Rukawa with you, Hanamichi?" Kogure asked. "Your place is nearby, and I know that you have plenty of room."

"And get my apartment infected?" Hanamichi growled. "NO WAY!"

"Come on, be a good boy." Sendoh smiled. "The least you can do is helping Rukawa to find a room somewhere. You're the only one who drove coming here."

Rukawa stood. "Let's go, do'aho."

"Hey! Stop calling me that! And who says I agree with whatever Megane-kun and Needle Hair has suggested?"

The handsome boy yawned. "I'm crashed. Come on. You don't want to carry me home, do you?"

"Baka! How dare you to invite yourself! I tell you... HEY! Kitsune, where are you going, dammit? Get back here! Hey, I'm talking to you!"

Kogure, Sendoh, and Kiyota laughed uproariously.

***

The loud banging of pots and pans woke Rukawa. Normally, that kind of particular noises could not budge an inch of him. However, it seemed that his internal bio-clock hadn't adjusted yet, and apparently, this was the timing of his daily practice back in the US. He immediately remembered where he was, which made him groaned with annoyance, knowing that the source of those disturbance came from the insane ex-rival of him.

"Kitsune! I'm not generous enough to make you a breakfast. Unless you get up this instantly, you'd better try to catch Danny's breakfast hours," Hanamichi shouted from his kitchen.

Rukawa sighed, knowing that he would never be able to continue his sleep any longer. He sat up, squinted his eyes when harsh sunlight slapped on his face, then stretched out. He glanced on his watch and decided that since he did not need to adjust to Japan's timeline, he'd better done what he was supposed to do anyway.

Rummaging his travel bag, he took out his training gear and proceeded to wash himself up. He got out from the bathroom freshly showered and ready to go.

"Well, well," Hanamichi greeted him with a smirk. "Glad to see you haven't changed."

Rukawa noted that the red-haired young man was already in his training gear as well. He shrugged a little then took an empty plate nearby and helped himself with breakfast.

Hanamichi scowled, "How impolite."

"Where do you practice?" Rukawa asked.

"I certainly will not tell you. You'd better find yourself a place, cause I don't like to be bothered with your presence around."

"Why?" Rukawa stared at him. "Too nervous with me around?"

"EEHH?" Hanamichi's eyes widened with anger. A moment later, he smirked and shook his head. "Damn. You got me, Rukawa."

Rukawa snorted. "One on one?"

"Ha! Let's see if Chicago Bulls deserved you alright."

It was an exceptionally pleasant morning. However, that was not the only reason that kept both Rukawa and Hanamichi playing one on one for a long time. They practiced energetically and getting warmer when they were supposed to get tired. Beating one another repeatedly, performing more and more bizarre tricks, re-enacting their long-forgotten competition. It was not surprising that they drew attention from passerbys and managed to get a considerable large crowd.

It was their enthusiasm, which annoyed Rukawa, that finally stopped them. They agreed to take a break, only to realize that they didn't count each other's scores.

"Heh," Hanamichi said with surprise in his face. "Then we don't know who wins."

Rukawa dropped himself on the corner, and started sipping his drink. The crowd quickly thinned, and finally left them alone.

"You know," Hanamichi said in a low tone. "It's strange that I rarely found motivation to train as strong as my highschool days, nowadays. Yet, seeing you again rekindled that."

Rukawa glanced at him, seemingly ready to reply, yet stopped himself. He looked thoughtful, obviously quite surprised to see Hanamichi in his contemplative mood. He also noted Hanamichi's lack of interest to annoy him.

After sometime, he opted to voice his sincere opinion. "You've been doing great, actually."

Hanamichi grinned mischievously. However, he didn't use the opportunity to beat Rukawa down for appraising him for the very first time. Like Rukawa, he recognized the rare occurrence of them both being serious and sincere to each other. He wondered whether it was a result of three years separation, which blunted the sharp edges of their rivalry, or simply a sign of them finally growing up and got over whatever childish traits they used to have.

"How do you know about how I've been doing?"

"I saw you on last year's national tournament."

"You're there?" Hanamichi raised his eyebrows. "Heh. Yeah. We managed to pass the second elimination round." His smile toward Rukawa was surprisingly warm. "I didn't do that bad, huh?"

Somewhat dazed with the bizarreness of such a friendly and comfortable atmosphere between them, Rukawa nodded. "Too bad you didn't get the nomination of MVP. I don't think you're below Sendoh, nowadays."

Hanamichi looked at him, remarkably feeling shy. "Uh, well... Thanks."

Rukawa didn't reply.

"NBA does scouting in Japan as well," Hanamichi said again.

"Hmph," Rukawa snorted. "Though I admit that you're now in Sendoh's league, I'm not sure you can catch their attention."

"BAH!" Hanamichi raised his voice, and laughed uproariously. "No matter how you hide it, kitsune, I *know* that you don't mean it. Come on. You have to admit that even you just can't beat me. Wanna try another round of one on one?"

"I didn't play seriously just now."

"Liar." Hanamichi smiled, but without any menace tone in it. Then he turned serious. "I'm not being boastful, Rukawa, but I *am* in your league, aren't I? We *both* know that since a long time ago."

It took sometime for Rukawa to reply. "Yet you didn't do better."

Hanamichi nodded. "I know."

"You haven't achieved your full potential."

"That's what I thought."

"There isn't much competition here, is it?"

Hanamichi sighed. "I'm the only ace player in my team, even after three years. I kept wishing for a new one, but they never came. I was there all alone." He turned and looked at his friend beside him. "I almost feel sorry that you aren't around anymore. There is not enough stimulation for me to go on."

Rukawa raised his head, eyes watching the sky. A slight uplift formed on the corners of his mouth, which amazed Hanamichi for he was about to see the kitsune smile, even though it was more like a ghost of a smile.

"During my years in America," Rukawa said. "I always wondered on how much you have improved."

Hanamichi stared. He suddenly felt a strange dizziness, a feeling he wasn't familiar with, out of surprise with the unmistakenly realization that Rukawa had just revealed his secret of training motivation. Which was *him*.

"How well am I in your imagination?" he asked curiously.

Rukawa said quietly, "I'm improved greatly, aren't I?"

Hanamichi studied his ex-rival closely, while in the same time recognizing a genuine gratefulness toward Rukawa. There was no doubt now that Rukawa regarded him highly, and actually had used him as a measuring stick toward his own performance.

"Strange, isn't it?" Hanamichi said in a solemn tone. "All those bitter bickering... and yet we were each other's inspirations after all."

Rukawa suddenly smiled for real. "Now you know."

Hanamichi returned the smile with real warmth. "Heh, fox, you should smile more often. It really makes you look good."

Rukawa snorted. "I don't see any importance about making me look good. No one amuses me."

"Except me, huh?"

"It's useless anyway."

"You'll get a good friend by being nicer. Trust me."

Rukawa gave him a "whatever" look. Hanamichi chuckled. They fell into silence once more, yet feeling amazingly comfortable and relax.

After sometime, Hanamichi asked, "What time is your flight tomorrow?"

"Around noon."

"You couldn't get an earlier flight?"

Rukawa softly bit his lower lip. "I thought I spend sometime here."

Hanamichi's eyes softened. "You don't have many friends over there, do you?"

Rukawa shrugged.

"Okay." Hanamichi raised himself and stood up. When he turned to

Rukawa, he caught the boy watching him with curious interest. He smiled. "Wanna go with me touring my campus?" ***** TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Rukawa

1997

From the very first moment Rukawa decided to stake his future in the great land of America, he knew that his life would never again be simple. Those risks, however, seemed minor to the reward. Being a professional basketball player meant that his life, twenty four hours and seven days a week, would be solely dedicated to basketball. Any possible hassles he would encounter, such as cultural adjustments, might be insubstantial compared to the satisfaction to be able to train, play, and perform basketball all the time.

However, when his parents instead enrolled him to the university, practically determined to make him a "normal" boy, he was suddenly exposed to a deal without trade-offs. Those "insubstantial things" became larger than life, more real than ever now he had no other thing to compensate. It quickly came to his realization then that he wasn't ready for it.

He was always a quiet and indifferent boy, yet the wide difference of acceptance between Asian and Western cultures had him "labelled" contradictorily. In his home country, his aloofness was normal, and had somehow made him interesting. However, here in the US, where young people were more expected to be energetic, carefree, outspoken and fun, he didn't fit in. Even after four years, he remained friendless. His indifference made him too cold, his exotic good looks too disturbing, and his obvious supremacy and single-mindedness in basketball too intimidating.

He had all the potential to build friendship among his teammates, once he was a member of North Carolina University basketball team. Alas, his competitiveness and individualism weren't taken as lightly as his former ex-Shohoku teammates. It didn't help that his popularity among girls also raised so fast. His teammates were happened to be classic American jocks who thought superiority also meant to be popular to the opposite sex. To them, Rukawa was a real threat.

His last year's trip to Japan proven to be an enlightenment for him. He realized now that the people who could still accept him as he was and never took him for granted were always his high school friends. Furthermore, to his surprise, the only one that truly understood all the stakes of personal achievement in basketball playing and shared the same level of passion for basketball and obsession in winning was none other than his ex-archenemy, Hanamichi.

After all these years, Hanamichi was the only one who was still consistent. Instead of being stalled, he was still growing, becoming more and more powerful. It seemed as if he had no limit to grow, and people kept getting surprised to see what he became after sometime. He was now way ahead from his high school mates and foes, and only those very talented aces like Sendoh and Eiji that could still compete him. It was now a matter of time before he became an MVP, since last year he was appointed to be the starting member of the Japan National team for the Olympic.

Those achievements didn't just intrigue Rukawa. It excited him as well. Suddenly, the prospect of Hanamichi joining him in the US, be a professional NBA basketball players, was no longer impossible. It would be such a thrill to have a worthy competitor, and finally, a friend, to share all those excitements together.

Yes. Friend.

Funny to remember how they eventually had come to that point.

The last time he was in Japan, he had spent one and half day fully with Hanamichi. *Only* with Hanamichi, actually. Rukawa could not imagine having another person to join him that day, since *just* Hanamichi was exhaustingly handful.

They'd bickered constantly, insulted each other, fought and strangled throats. Yet, they also practiced together, went to the arcades and movies together, ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner together.

It was quite a relief when Rukawa left for USA the next day. But then, once he was back again in his campus, he suddenly felt more alienated and lonely than before. Rukawa amazingly realized that the days he had spent with Hanamichi had actually made him feel more alive than ever. He was automatically drowned back in his usual routine of studying and practicing basketball, until a week later, his phone rang.

"Kitsune! Do you have any idea how difficult it was to reach you? It's either you're out or dead! And you have no answering machine either! How do you expect the Tensai to communicate with you? I don't write letters unless it'll bring me great fortune in return!"

For the first time ever, Rukawa actually sputtered, trying to remember how to say hello.

The idiot actually *called* him?

After a long meaningless babbling and tirade, it was clarified that Hanamichi had wondered about Rukawa's dirty laundry and shoes left in his apartment. It was pretty touching that the red monkey didn't just dump them at the garbage bin, though later on Hanamichi shamelessly asking if he could claim them. There wasn't any doubt in Rukawa's mind that the do'aho was planning to sell the shoes, and whether he gave his permission or not wouldn't change a thing.

Their conversation, however, surprisingly ended forty five minutes later.

And what a conversation! It was colorful, with Hanamichi's strings of shouts, growls, lunatic laughters, and dumb questions, as well as Rukawa's strings of grunts, snorts, low tone curses, and cynical replies. They talked about basketballs, as usual, themselves, as usual, and each other's life after they separated, which was unusual. It was strange how they both got extremely comfortable talking to each other and genuinely reluctant to end it.

Rukawa didn't analyze it further, except believing that maybe communicating with Hanamichi without actually seen his annoying smirks proven to be much easier to handle. He could concentrate and actually *listen*, which wasn't that boring, since he knew Hanamichi was never been boring. He did wonder whether Hanamichi regarded him as the boring one, though. However, he knew that in a matter of providing smart and "smart-ass" replies that could keep Hanamichi intrigued, no matter how short they were, he was the best candidate.

The next morning, Rukawa bought an answering machine.

And then Japan's National Tournament began, and the phone calls became a twice-a-week regular. More, when Hanamichi's team entered the final, and lost.

After the high frequency died down due to exam periods at both sides of the Atlantic, the Chicago Bulls started training their potential rookies. The calls became daily. This time, Rukawa was the one initiating most of them.

Just like what he used to do since moving to America, Rukawa spent his birthday on his uncle's ranch. It was a relieving occasion, since being around his relatives proven to be therapeutic after all those loneliness in campus. However this time, he was extremely restless. He felt at loss, wondering why he didn't own a cell phone and why he was upset with that fact. He came back a day earlier, full of expectations. It was a strange emotion for him. The first thing he did was checking his answering machine. When he found Hanamichi's dozen weird messages of birthday greetings, he had spent a full day dazed in happiness.

After some painful negotiation with his parents, he managed to buy a cell phone. One day, he called Hanamichi while sitting on one of the park bench outside his campus. He had meant to kill one hour interval between his classes, yet he ended up talking for two hours, never bothered to come to his next class or even worried about the probably humongous amount of phone bill he would receive later on.

What prompted those calls?

They still fought and bickered during those long calls, but it was that strange connection of understanding basketball that somehow connected them.

They actually had that connection since a long time ago, back when they were both still freshmen in Shohoku. However, personal rivalry and animosity between them at that time were more important from all other things. Now, when they got over it, it suddenly felt real and substantial.

"Do you remember our match with Ryonan to get the second ticket to our first National Championship?" Hanamichi had asked on one of their earlier phone conversation.

"The one where your head bled?"

"Hell, yeah. I was so angry being beaten by Fukuda, remember? At that time I was determined to do whatever I could to beat him back."

"I reminded you that it's your weak defense that was being exploited by them."

"Yeah," Hanamichi's voice was solemn. "It was not until later on I realized how grateful I was for you doing that."

Rukawa spent a long second in silence, before he replied. "Why?"

"I suppose I need that kind of kick in the butt," Hanamichi chuckled. "I don't care about Shohoku losing at the time. All I can think of to match Fukuda head-to-head."

"Hmph," Rukawa snorted. "You didn't know when to draw back and stop. You thought you just have to be ahead of everything with the expense of the team."

"Like you didn't!" Hanamichi said. "You're practically going crazy when Sendoh did the same thing to you."

Rukawa almost smiled. "But then, you're the one who gave me the kick in the butt."

"You got that right, Kitsune!" Hanamichi said gleefully. "Tokyo Uni had a freshman ace that really burned my ilk like that, you know. He's also appointed as Japan's national team this year. I just can't stand him."

"Do you react in a similar stupid manner?"

"Maybe," Hanamichi laughed. "Though I'm a lot smarter now than before."

Rukawa almost spoke his agreement aloud, yet, caught himself.

"But I do wish that you're here," Hanamichi sighed. "It wasn't too fun to kick my own butt."

Rukawa was speechless.

Now, a full year after they last seen and spent time together in Japan, their friendship was never more stronger.

This morning, they were talking about the possibility of Rukawa signing a permanent contract for the Bulls, when suddenly Hanamichi noticed that Rukawa was more silent than usual. Sure, Rukawa was almost always silent. But he rarely did when he was on the phone with Hanamichi. There was never any doubt to Hanamichi that something was on his friend's mind. Finally, he asked why.

"Actually...," Rukawa said, then stopped himself. "I think..."

He practically could *hear* Hanamichi lifting his eyebrows at the other end of the line.

"Yes? I think blah blah blah... think *what*, Rukawa?" Hanamichi's tone was distinctively impatient.

"I'll be in Tokyo on Sunday," Rukawa said.

"Huh?" Hanamichi sounded dumb as usual. "Oh!" This time he sounded excited. "Really?" There was an underlying confusion, though.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Uh, well... I want to visit my mother."

"Why? Is she sick or something?"

"No. No. I... well... kind of... miss her." Which was sounded unconvincing. Hanamichi knew he wasn't close to his parents. It was clearly a lame excuse, and Rukawa wondered whether his friend caught on that.

"Great!" Hanamichi's tone was genuinely happy. It seemed that his strange mind decided to skip on the cause but focused more on the outcome. "You can see my first qualification match, then! It's on Monday."

Rukawa shrugged. "Yeah, I know."

*Know* was an understatement, of course, because he had memorized Hanamichi's match schedules for this year's tournament by heart. He refused to dwell on why he suddenly surrendered to his impulse to jump on the first plane and catch Hanamichi's first match.

"Will you be here long enough?"

"Maybe," Rukawa shrugged again, though he knew Hanamichi couldn't see it. "Depends. Two weeks at the most."

"Great!" Hanamichi laughed. "It's really great, Rukawa! You know? The timing is just perfect."

"Yeah," Rukawa smiled. "It is."

"You have to stay in my place... Okay? We do a little one-on-one again in the morning."

"Yeah," Rukawa swallowed.

"In fact, I'm going to pick you up on the airport!"

"Okay."

"This is.. this is absolutely great!"

Rukawa couldn't even make a proper reply. Hanamichi's sincere excitement was suddenly overwhelming. His stomach knotted.

"Well, hell, I'm going to hang up now, and clean my apartment, okay? Judging from this whole mess, I'll need two full days to make it habitable for you. Heh."

"Just in time, then."

"Yes, Rukawa. Wow. This is so great."

"See you, then."

"Goodbye."

"Goodbye."

"......."

"......."

"Heh, Fox, you'd better hang up."

Rukawa smiled again. "Goodbye."

"Goodbye."

Sigh.

"Bye, Kitsune." Hanamichi hung up.

***

Hanamichi

1997

Hanamichi was known to be a great friend. Once he set his mind on somebody, and proclaimed him or her as "the Tensai's friend", they'd get a royal treatment forever. He was loyal, generous, and forgiving. Sometimes he was hard on them, but Yohei, Okusu, Noma and Takamiya had proofs that once Hanamichi was "it" for them, they had a true friend and ally for life.

Being a member of the Shohoku's basketball team was a life-changing experience for Hanamichi. With these boys, he had experienced tremendous pressures and worked together to overcome it. It might be different than being in a gang and fought together, yet, there were similarities in many ways. He wasn't exactly aware at the time, but with the other team members, Hanamichi had sealed another kind of solid camaraderie. They were together, bonded, and be brothers forever.

With Rukawa nowadays, those invisible bond had taken a real form for the first time. Rukawa was now the only ex-Shohoku team member beside him that managed to keep himself as an ace. Akagi had reached his limit and could not go further, as well as Ryota, Mitsui, and Kogure. True to Anzai-sensei prediction, those who managed to reach the highest level would eventually come down to only two players, Hanamichi and Rukawa. It was just a matter of time before the two rivals realized that in the end, the glory would only be shared by the two of them.

Being really connected a year before, there was now never any doubt in Hanamichi's mind that Rukawa was one of his "tribe" now. A *special* tribe member.

The one he desperately needed at the moment.

He had been in a real stress after losing last year's final competition. The appearance of Kobayashi Nobu, an ace from Hiroshima who was still a freshman, had unnerved and humiliated him to no end. The young man was the typical rival he hated the most. Huge, rude, and sly. A sort of blend between Uozumi, Fukuda, Kiyota, and Rukawa. He could handle the "huge" and "rude" part, but when it came to a battle of wits, he needed help.

Once Rukawa landed on Narita, he practically showered his friend with attention and generosity. Buying him big lunch, preparing his bed, asking about the journey. It hadn't crossed his mind at the moment how Rukawa settled down immediately in his apartment instead of going to visit his parents like he was supposed to do.

They spent their first night watching videos of Hiroshima University's matches, discussing about Kobayashi's possible strength and weaknesses. The next morning, they both spent an hour practicing before heading directly to Tokyo by train, to catch on Hanamichi's first match.

"I prefer you to sit above my team's box, Rukawa," Hanamichi said. "If I do something stupid, just yell. If you can't yell, at least try to be visible from my view so I can read your signs."

"Who do you think I am, your mother?" Rukawa snorted.

However, Rukawa sat exactly on the spot Hanamichi had suggested, and at the front row, no less.

His presence baffled everyone. Even when he walked through the rows and chose his seat, hush silence fell around him. Followed by soft murmurs.

"Isn't that...?"

"Rukawa Kaede!"

"The only Japanese drafted by the Chicago Bulls!"

"What is he doing here?"

"Sugoi! He's so kawaii!"

"Gorgeous!"

The first person who greeted him gregariously was none other than Takamiya. "Sly Fox! What the hell are you doing here?"

Immediately, all other people followed the example. Hands were stretched, begged to be shaken. Soft slaps landed on his shoulder. Even "hello"s, "how are you"s, and "hi"s, were thrown all over, seemingly unfazed with Rukawa's zero reaction.

Hanamichi saw how his friend practically stole the whole stadium's attention and snorted disgustedly.

"I can't believe I saw Rukawa Kaede over there," one of his teammate said. "Why does he want to see this match?"

"Hey!" Hanamichi scowled. "He knew the worth of matches with Tensai in it! Don't you know that he also does some talent scouting for the NBA?" It was a lie, of course, but it practically made his friends gaped.

"He specially came here to see me." Hanamichi smiled with arrogance. His chest expanded proudly. "In fact, he's willing to give me some tips, if I need it."

He saw his teammates' eyes rounded with awe, and bawled into his patented lunatic laughter.

Little did he know how true his statement was.

Somehow extra confident with Rukawa's presence, and the fact that his friend's silent, yet larger than life, presence had unnerved his opponents, Hanamichi won the first match in a straight 130 - 54.

He couldn't stop his lunatic laughter for the whole day.

"You make me deaf, do'aho," Rukawa sighed.

Hanamichi grinned like an idiot, too happy and satisfied with how well things had turned out. "I can't believe this! They practically peed in their pants when I told them that you'll be my secret advisor during the match, Rukawa. Even my coach was intimidated by your presence, and wondered if it was better to invite you to sit beside him and gave him advice! Bwahaha! That's completely ridiculous!"

"Hmph."

"Hey, Kitsune, when are you going to visit your parents?"

Rukawa glanced at him with an unreadable gaze. "When will be your next match?"

"Two days later."

"Then I'll go visit them tomorrow."

Hanamichi said hesitantly, "I wish you will spend the rest of your two weeks' stay in my place, Rukawa."

Rukawa snorted. "I have a home and parents, you know."

"Can I go with you tomorrow and request their permission?"

"Do'aho. I'll stay here no matter what."

Hanamichi grinned widely. "I sure hope so! You'd better watch all my games. Your ugly face turned out to be pretty useful to me, bwa ha ha ha."

Rukawa turned his head away, hiding his smile. "Okay."

***

The next ten days, Hanamichi booked a glorious series of victories. He performed amazingly and inspiringly, somehow lifting all of his other team mates. All of his games drew incredible attention, both from the crowd and the press. Part of such popularity was the spreading news of Rukawa's appearance and constant presence in all of Hanamichi's matches. No basketball lovers in Japan weren't familiar with Rukawa's name. Not only he was the candidate for Japan's national team captain for the next Olympic Games, he was hailed all over Japan as the next Michael Jordan. A bit too optimistic, maybe, but nonetheless, it had catapulted Rukawa's reputation as a sport celebrity.

His presence intrigued a lot of people. Speculations abounded, and Hanamichi used it as a kind of self-promotion in which he nominated himself as the next NBA rookie, therefore explained Rukawa's presence as a talent-scouting occasion.

It turned out that not only the public at large became interested in seeing the national university championship, ex friends and foes that no longer active in basketball started showing up in Hanamichi's matches. Many of them had a particular reason, which was wanting to see with their own eyes about the bizarreness of it all. Rukawa and Hanamichi might be ex-team mates, but they were also fierce competitors. The idea of them being friendly toward each other was as alien as a frog flying to the moon.

Akagi, Kogure, Ryota, and Mitsui had come when Hanamichi faced Kyoto University. The match became pretty nostalgic, since Hanamichi was meeting Sendoh, who was in his last year in college. Maki and Fujima were both in the bench. The first acted as the manager, the other as Kyoto's coach. As predicted, they were amazed to see where Rukawa placed his sentiment. Supporting Hanamichi? They discussed to each other whether American diet had made Rukawa finally lost his sanity.

One time, when Hanamichi started to lose concentration, Rukawa had leaned forward and yelled, "Take it out, do'aho!"

Akagi, Mitsui, Ryota and Kogure gasped.

Hanamichi stopped and turned toward Rukawa. Startled, yet looking grateful. "What?"

"The panic you're facing. Take it out. It's all or nothing."

Both Hanamichi and Rukawa didn't realize how the stadium had hushed into silence and all eyes were turned on them.

"I must be dreaming," Akagi whispered. "Uh huh," Ryota agreed.

"I'm not panic!" Hanamichi growled toward Rukawa.

"It's only Sendoh."

Sendoh raised his eyebrows.

"You're invincible," Rukawa said. "You already know that."

Hanamichi stared at Rukawa for a long moment, then said, "Hell, yeah."

He beat Kyoto 98-90.

Akagi and Mitsui were speechless for an unlimited time, despite Ryota and Kogure's assurance that it was a good thing after all to see Rukawa cheering Hanamichi. However, they all seemed to agree that there had to be *something* behind this all.

It was much, much later, when Hanamichi was gleefully showing off his superiority to his ex-team mates, Fujima silently left them and went to corner Rukawa.

They were both standing at the top balcony, looking down toward the commotion below, completely isolated from anyone they knew.

"It was a surprise to see you again, Rukawa," Fujima said.

Rukawa didn't reply.

"You can't do it, can you?"

Rukawa glanced quickly, eyes full of suspicion. "What do you mean?"

"Staying away from him." Fujima's head turned toward the direction of Hanamichi, who was now straining his necks with searching eyes, looking for Rukawa.

Rukawa's face turned colder. He kept himself silent.

"He was the kind that will drown you," Fujima whispered.

The strange tone made Rukawa lift his head with curiosity. He warily studied Fujima's face, who was suddenly looking very sad and contemplative.

"What do you mean?" he finally asked.

Fujima sighed, eyes bored into the other side of the crowd. The Kyoto team. Rukawa wondered which person among them Fujima was seeing.

Fujima said, "It's either you plunged in, or run away. You can't be in between. It hurts."

Rukawa growled softly, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Fujima looked at him, eyes still bored with sadness but with a hint of sympathy. The sincerity of it made Rukawa freeze in a strange panic.

"Rukawa!" Hanamichi's shout broke both young men's reveries.

Feeling anxious and agitated, Rukawa quickly left. "Excuse me."

He practically felt Fujima's sad stare boring the back of his skull. It made him shivered.

***

Unfortunately, Rukawa's time was up before Hanamichi's final match. There wasn't anything they both could do to postpone his leaving, despite their obvious efforts.

Hanamichi was moping all the way to the airport, while Rukawa was extremely silent. It was when they finally reached the departing gate, Hanamichi realized the finality of it all.

"I hate this, Rukawa. You're supposed to be there when I beat that Kobayashi monkey," he said in a petulant tone.

"You'll beat him." Rukawa gave him a look full of confidence. "I've trained everything you need to know."

Hanamichi curled his arm around Rukawa's shoulder. "Come home soon, Kitsune. You'll be Captain for the Olympic, okay?"

"We'll see."

"When you finally got the final contract with Bulls, tell me. I want to visit you as a change."

"You gave your word. Keep it."

"Ha! As if the Tensai is not a man of honor."

They both stared to one another, eyes full of emotions.

Hanamichi felt his heart thundered so suddenly. "Kaede-kun?"

Rukawa looked a bit startled. Then he suddenly blushed. Apparently, nobody else except his parents had dared to call him Kaede. He smiled. "Yes?"

Hanamichi grinned. "Thanks for everything."

Rukawa stretched his hand and Hanamichi shook it warmly.

"Take care, Hana-kun."

This time, it was Hanamichi who blushed. He smiled shyly. "You too."

***

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Hanamichi

1998

To: k_rukawa@alumni.ncsu.edu   
From: tensai@yahoo.co.jp   
Subject : where are you?

Kaede,

Why didn't you ever return my calls? I got sick hearing you in the answering machine. Is something wrong? Are you sick? Are you away? Your cell defunct as well. I'm worried. Anyway, call me. Please.

Hana

PS. Are you angry with me? What did I do wrong?

***

To: k_rukawa@alumni.ncsu.ed   
From: tensai@yahoo.co.jp   
Subject : out of the list

Kaede,

Your name has been dropped out from the list. I can't describe you how disappointed I am. If there's anyone in the whole Japan worth to be the captain of our national team, it should be you. Now you know that it isn't easy for me to admit that, so why be invisible? What really pisses me off is that instead of me, Fujima appointed Sendoh to be captain. What the hell? He says that I'm too erratic and impulsive. Yes, Fujima. Who would've thought that he took the offer as second coach to the national team? I wish it's Anzai-sensei instead, but I know that his heart has gotten worse. Man, he should lose some weight!

Anyway, I hope you reply my e-mail this time. I know that you aren't sick, 'cause I saw your first game on tv last week. How does it feel to play along with Michael Jordan, ne? No wonder you lost your patriotism. Heck, I'm not trying to be judgmental, okay? But people are upset with your lack of interest in joining the national team. Rude, even, with you going so silent. Which, to my point of view, is true. If I see you, I certainly would poke your eyes out. I'm still patient, cause you're my good friend, okay? But it's been two months, and I've done all I can to contact you. I'm pissed as hell, okay?

Haruko sends her greeting. She's curious with you disappearing. She wonders whether you've been involved with someone. If that's the case, why being so secretive? You know you can trust me. After all, I've talked to you about Haruko, haven't I? I can't stand with you so distant. I lost Yohei now I'm with Haruko, and the rest of the Guntai kinds of drifted apart.

Haruko has suggested for us to visit you in the next summer. If I decline her suggestion it's because of two things : I'm not sure how you receive me (or even present by the time we're there) since you never reply my emails and phone messages, and because I'm still a bit pissed with her so enthusiastic in seeing you again. Okay, I'm still a little jealous... heh. You have been the big elephant in my relationship with Haruko, which had prevented me to hook up with her years ago. Now, I'm older and wiser, and she's also older and wiser, I should've been more secure, right? Wrong. I don't.

Anyway, I've got to get going now. If I don't hear anything from you in a week, I probably won't ever e-mail you again. My patience has limit.

Hana

\-------

Hanamichi stopped typing and stared at the monitor screen for a long time. His fingers hovered over the keyboard hesitantly.

Finally, face scrunched up as if in a real pain, he start typing again.

"What have I got to lose?" he whispered softly to himself. He knew it was a gamble, and the damn fox would probably never contact him again, but... if his hunch was right...

\-------

PS. Kitsune? Is it because of Haruko?

\-------

Hanamichi squeezed his eyes shut. His headache returned with a vengeance.

"I must be mad," he whispered again. But he had dropped the other shoe. What had he got to lose?

\-------

Kitsune, I have to confess that-

\-------

"Oh God," Hanamichi groaned to himself. "Haruko will kill me."

\-------

-that I'm not sure being with Haruko is a good idea. It's not like I don't love her. I do. Or so I've thought. But I have the feeling you disapproved, okay? And I wonder to myself, why I bother with whatever your opinion is. But it does. It matters. And to be honest, I don't think I'm ready to sacrifice our friendship over Haruko. It's not worth it. Really.

I did a lot of thinking, and though it hurt to admit, I began to see that maybe what Sendoh had said was true. Sendoh? Yeah, he had commented when Haruko came back to my life. It's not like I've talked about my private life with him, okay? He's just being nosy. And I didn't pay him attention.

But he said that I'm just chasing an old shadow. An idealistic imagination that's best left as memories. And he said that... that... probably Haruko came to me because of you. Because she saw how close I was with you. Okay. That hurt. I should just shut up. Sendoh had no right to think so little of her. But I did think about it, okay? It made sense though it was crazy.

Shit. Why do I bother to tell you this? Anyway, I doubt that you'll ever read this.

But Kaede, the point is, I'm not so sure about me and Haruko. I'm not so sure about my feeling toward Haruko.

\------

Hanamichi started to shiver. He stopped typing again for a long time. His heart bit much faster now, and his palms started to feel clammy.

It's all or nothing, he thought. When he started typing again, he kept making mistakes, before finally got it all out...., and right.

\-------

Kaede,

I wonder if... if this confession can make a difference.

I do hope so.

\------

His cell phone rang.

The monitor blinked the caller's name; Sendoh Akira.

Hanamichi quickly pushed the "send" button, erased the copy of his message in the Outbox folder, and flipped open his cell. "What's up, needle hair?"

"Fujima is pissed. Where the hell are you? You've skipped training three times already now. He's looking for you, okay?"

Hanamichi grunted, then replied in a defeated tone, "I'm coming, then."

When he finally reached the gym, everyone had left and the lights were already out. He groaned with annoyance, wondering why he didn't call first to confirm Fujima's whereabouts. He quickly took a round turn, and went to the coach's room. Yet, instead of Fujima, there was Sendoh.

"Fujima has left," Sendoh gave him his patented smirk. "Boy, he pissed as hell waiting for you."

"You should've called me, so that I won't come for nothing," Hanamichi growled.

"Nah," Sendoh grinned. "I've been thinking about taking you out for a drink."

"No thanks," Hanamichi said gloomily. "I have to get back home before ten."

"What, you're married now? Come on, Hanamichi, call Haruko and ask her permission to stay late. It's not like you two living together anyway, despite the fact that she's occupying your room most of the days."

"What the hell do you want, Sendoh? I can smell something fishy."

"Why are you being so difficult? Do I need a reason to get together with you now? Look, you haven't gone out with any of us since you're with Haruko. Don't you miss us? I do miss you. Especially since you also look different lately."

Hanamichi flinched involuntarily. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Hanamichi," Sendoh sighed. "Come and drink with me, okay?"

He practically dragged Hanamichi out. Yet, despite his obvious reluctance, Hanamichi gave up too easily. Maybe, Hanamichi thought, he had lost any energy to fight. He was too exhausted for reasons he didn't understand.

Or maybe he secretly did need Sendoh. Because if he had to be honest with himself, Sendoh was the only one always made sense. The only one who could see things clearly.

Sendoh was probably the only right person to... help him.

They found a dingy pub several blocks away. It was fairly quiet, and the music was soft and relaxing. Hanamichi started to get drowsy the minute he sat on the soft chair on the secluded corner. After staring quietly on his beer bottle for sometime, he finally realized that Sendoh was watching him.

"What?" he asked irritatingly.

Sendoh looked thoughtful and concerned. "You're unhappy, Hanamichi. Do you realize that?"

Something caught on Hanamichi's throat. But he scowled anyway.

"HAH! Nothing can make tensai unhappy. Besides, you're way out of line, pal. You have no right to--"

"Cut the bull shit, Hanamichi. I'm your only friend here."

Hanamichi stared at him.

"You're right," Sendoh continued. "I have no right to dwell on your personal life. But your performance drop visibly. I can't help feeling concern and have an obligation to make it right. Now I notice things here and there, Hanamichi. So, maybe I can help."

"What do you notice?" Hanamichi looked wary.

"You've been moping for the past two months, which is extremely strange. People who fell in love shouldn't look like as if his heart being ripped apart."

Hanamichi startled. "I didn't--" He stopped.

Sendoh raised his eyebrows. "What? Didn't fall in love?"

"K'so," Hanamichi muttered darkly and started to raise from his seat. However, Sendoh had anticipated it. He caught Hanamichi's wrist. "Sit down, Hanamichi. I'm not making fun of you."

"I got the feeling you're about to," Hanamichi said darkly. His face started to turn red, but he didn't release his wrist from Sendoh's clutch.

"I know you're not falling in love. And I know why. Want to listen my bull shit about it?"

"Haruko--"

"We're going to try to make things right between you and Haruko. Don't you care for her enough to do so?"

Hanamichi reluctantly sat down again, but his eyes avoided looking at Sendoh.

"Rukawa's not joining the national team is part of it too, I assume?"

Hanamichi looked up, startled. But he didn't reply, and he cast his eyes down again.

Sendoh exhaled softly. "Listen," he said. "I'm about to say something I shouldn't, okay? I probably got struck by lightning by the time I finish telling you this, because it's a promise I have to keep. But I'm going to say this to you, and only you, because I think it can help you, as well as... helping the person whom I had a promise to keep it as a secret."

Hanamichi glanced quickly toward Sendoh, curious.

"It's about Fujima," Sendoh said. His eyes shadowed.

Hanamichi softly asked, "What about Fujima?"

"Do you remember how things were between him and Maki during our high school years?"

Hanamichi snorted. "As if I can forget. Those two is like dogs and cats."

"The worst of enemies, and the best of rivals," Sendoh smiled.

Hanamichi bit his lower lip. "Sort of like you and Rukawa."

"Wrong," Sendoh grinned. "It's more like you and Rukawa."

"Me?" Hanamichi asked incredulously.

Sendoh took sometime before he continued. He said his words carefully. "People always say that there's a very thin line between love and hate, you know. Those things are true, Hanamichi."

"What does this have to do with Fujima and Maki?"

"You know what happen when you hate or get angry with someone so much? You start obsessing on that person. And by obsessing on your rival or enemy, you've let yourself be their prisoner. You're no longer free. You just can't help measuring everything on them. Everything you do, you calculate and compare it with them. There's just no more free will, Hanamichi. It's like you're now sitting in a car and the driver is no longer you, but them. Surely you understand that."

Hanamichi kept himself quiet.

"Then one day, you start seeing things no other people have seen. You suddenly knew so much about your rivals. Every little things. You see through their eyes. You think like they do. You understand them. You emphatized with them. Do you see what I see, Hanamichi? The worst of enemies and the best of rivals always eventually... connect to each other. And what's not to connect? Without realizing it, they had been the best thing in your life. The moment you start obsessing on them, you have put them on your pedestal. That's when the other side of the coin flip."

Sendoh leaned forward and watched Hanamichi closely. "Do you know why Fujima can't never be free from Maki? Always following his footsteps, constantly being in his presence, challenging him to the very end?"

"No," Hanamichi whispered, dreading the things about to come out from Sendoh's mouth.

"Fujima loves Maki, Hanamichi," Sendoh said mercilessly. "And it's never about sexual orientation stereotyping or that kind of bullshit. I even doubt Fujima is gay."

"What?"

Sendoh smiled. "Well, maybe he is a little... which explained why he's aware and kinda accepting it."

"Fujima loves Maki?" Hanamichi asked in a strange, strangled voice.

"It does explain a lot of things, doesn't it?"

"But--but-- Maki is happy with his girl!"

"I never said the other way around. Even from a long time ago, Maki has never been as intense in his rivalry with Fujima."

Hanamichi's breath coming out short and quick. Realizing that he's about to experience hyperventilation, he blindly groped for his beer. He drank one huge gulp.

"You okay, Hanamichi?"

"Godammit, Sendoh! Godammit! What are you saying?"

Watching the raising panic, Sendoh warily leaned back. "I think-- Hell, you're not okay."

"I'm not okay!" Hanamichi shouted so suddenly. "What the hell are you implying? Do you think that I... With Kae--Rukawa?"

"Calm down, Hanamichi."

"*Calm down*? How can I calm down after such a stupid accusation? Me? Pining over..."

Sendoh's eyes were big and black. "Tell me. Honestly. Do you ever think why Rukawa stop contacting you once you confess your intention to be with Haruko? Honestly, Hanamichi!"

Hanamichi's eyes were suddenly full of horror.

"Oh, I see," Sendoh said with comprehension. "You did think about it, didn't you?"

"Shut up!" Hanamichi hissed.

"You aren't like Fujima, Hanamichi. This time... I think... it's requited."

"I said SHUT UP!"

Sendoh watched with terror when Hanamichi's arms stretched out, about to strangle him. Yet, suddenly Hanamichi stopped. Then, as quickly as his rising storm of anger, Hanamichi jumped out from his seat and ran out.

***

Haruko gasped when the door was opened abruptly.

"Hanamichi?" she asked warily, surprised to see how pale Hanamichi's face were.

Hanamichi looked wild for a moment, before his eyes finally focused on his girlfriend. He deflated so suddenly, like a balloon burst out. "Oh, hi, Haruko-san."

"I was wondering where you were," Haruko smiled uneasily. "You're not going to believe what I've seen on the television just now."

Quickly calming himself, Hanamichi took his time to pull out his shoes. He suddenly couldn't see Haruko's face, out of fear from... From what?

"It's Rukawa," Haruko said.

Hanamichi froze.

"It's Rukawa. I saw it on the television. You wouldn't believe this. He's with Brigitte Pearl now!"

It felt as if his reaction stopped functioning. Hanamichi looked at Haruko dumbly. "Huh?"

"Brigitte Pearl. Come on, Hanamichi. You know that blonde singer? The one whom every teenagers around the world are crazy about? She's dating Rukawa, now!"

Hanamichi stared at Haruko. Then at his feet, which's looking pale and vulnerable outside the shoes. He couldn't think.

***

Kaede

1998

Rukawa didn't understand why Brigitte Pearl chose him. He wasn't exactly that famous, and he never paid attention to her. He sort of knew that American celebrities tend to do this. Hooking up with people for publicity. But what more publicity the Pearl girl had needed? She was... "overpublicized" already. If there was one could claim benefit from this ridiculous situation, it would be him. Yet, he needed no benefit to gain. Not this particular kind.

But he didn't object when his agent had gleefully approached him with Brigitte Pearl's intention to take him as her escort for the Grammy. In fact, he thought that the timing was right.

How right it was, and why, he didn't analyze it. All he believed was that he sort of needed the distraction. And if distraction meant about flirting a little with a horny girl who had a weird penchant on Japanese bishounen, or getting some kind of attention from the media, then so be it. It's not like he had to burn a lot of energy.

But after two weeks and both the intention and attention didn't diminish, he realized that maybe he had gone too far this time.

In the beginning, it felt satisfying to have a "girlfriend". He never had one. Therefore it's so much like finally achieving the impossible. But to be honest, he never thought that he needed one. And if he could be more honest, it felt more like... revenge on...

He blinked his eyes tiredly. He stared on his watch, and realized that his flight's about to land soon.

Something heavy and cold started forming again on his stomach.

Back home. To Raleigh.

Which was his home nowadays?

Despite the fact that Raleigh was the city in America where he lived the longest, he had no intention to live there forever. And what about Chicago? The new city he was supposed to live now. Would it be the city where he called it home from now on?

And as for Japan...

What was left now there for him? His parents? His...

His heart clenched painfully.

Tired, he thought. He must be tired. All those away games. He could not believe how tiring it was a season would be. Had he imagine that things would turn out like this? Had he truly believed he'd be spending the next ten years or so in his life living like this? Six months on the road then the other six hybernating? Or maybe... fornicating? With a singer whom he barely had a thing in common?

Why did the hurt never stop?

Something stung on his eyes. When he touched his face, he was surprised to see his fingers came back wet.

Why did it hurt so much?

Why did it hurt without reason at all?

Was it true there hadn't been any reason at all?

***

The first thing he saw in front of his apartment door was the mails. He snorted, piling them up, and put them all into the nearby garbage can. Nothing among those mails were useful. Fan mails annoyed him, with all of those flowering flattery that was as ridiculous as bull shit. He never liked those crazy devotees. It scared him for some reason. And it wasn't as if he needed any more attention. He had fan clubs since he graduated from elementary school, and judging from his experience, it was best to ignore them if one didn't want to be eaten alive by their misguided fanatism.

He went in, and sneezed. God, the air. His apartment was as stalled as a closed room without air conditioner in the middle of summer. It felt like being abandoned for a year instead of three months. Where were those cleaning service when you needed one? He glanced at the dead plants and sighed. Then again, he distinctively remembered of saying to his landlord to prohibit anyone ever coming to his apartment.

Especially since...

He quickly went inside his bedroom, and froze to see his unmade bed. It looked exactly like when he left it three months ago. He thought he could still see the wet tracks on his pillow, refusing to remember that he had spent nights weeping in his sleep. Bad dreams, he reminded himself. Yet, the desolate feeling still resonating, even now. After all, it was the reason why he abandoned this place and moved to a hotel on the first place.

He glanced at the blinking answering machine on the side table, and quickly punched on the "erase" button. He didn't need to hear all the messages, did he? Then, he found his cell phone, dead and gathering dust. He took it and hooked it to the charger. Time to start using it again, he thought without enthusiasm.

Finally, he turned on his PC out of habit. Well, he had an inkling that his mailbox would be clattered with messages. Especially since he announced his controversial decision to abandon joining the National Team. Therefore, all he needed to do was erasing everything.

He inhaled sharply when he saw Hanamichi's name repeatedly among the inbox inventory list. But he quickly got over himself and pushed the 'delete' button.

There wasn't any use, was he?

He gasped loudly, when his heart did his constricting pain. What the hell?

Heavily sitting on his bed, he calmed himself desperately. Tired. He was tired. He needed the sleep.

But there's things he needed to do first.

The call went through on the first ring. Followed by a raspy, annoyed voice. "Yeah?"

"Phillip? It's Rukawa."

"What the hell?! Where have you been, you damned shit! Going into a recluse? Why are you avoiding all my calls? I know that you've paid the damned Bulls' road manager to ignore my calls. Well, let me tell you this, you can start looking for other agent right away! And you'd better pay me the damage fee! Don't forget! Being a famous rookie and a celebrity's boyfriend doesn't automatically make you free of any liability."

"I'm sorry. I'm back in my apartment, now."

"Why are you leaving the apartment? Staying in touch with that new girl of yours? Don't forget your duties, for God's sake."

"I'm not. I told you. I'm back."

"Well, if you're sure," his agent grimly said. "Your parents called. Complaining why they couldn't get in touch with you. Oh, and there's a rather persistent friend of yours left messages in my phone. Weird, if I must say."

Rukawa absently played with his phone wire. "How weird?" he asked absently.

"Keep insisting to tell you this : 'I broke up with Haruko. We need to talk. Listen to the voice message I left at your operator'. What the hell is this, Rukawa? You're having a triangle love affair? This Haruko is a girl's name, am I right? You'd better call your operator, or we can start notify the police about possible stalking..."

Rukawa banged the telephone down.

It was as if the world suddenly turned gray before his eyes.

Cold sweat trickling on his back, and his body trembled like never before.

When he started dialing his operator's number, his hand were so shaken he practically needed a long minute to finish pushing the three digits.

"Yes, Mr. Rukawa. There's one long voice mail for you," the cheerful voice on the other end of the line told him innocently. "Here it goes."

Rukawa clenched on his phone tightly, his fingers whitened.

"Kaede-kun," Hanamichi's voice resonating deeply. It was eerily so real and near, as if he was himself present in the room... and... and... "I'm not too late, aren't I? I'm not with Haruko anymore, and I can't... *can't stand* it if you have a girlfriend already. I can't stand it, Kaede. You do understand what I'm saying, don't you? Please call me. Please. For the sake of both of us. Four our future. I'm going crazy, you know? I miss you like really, really mad--"

The message hadn't even finished when Rukawa frantically cut the connection and dialed the memorized number.

Oh God, he couldn't think. He *shouldn't* think. This wasn't real. God had made this up... to... to torture him. Right? He shouldn't expect too much... If it was real.... NO. He shouldn't think about it, because... because he could jinx it. And then he would be... devastated.

"Hello?"

Rukawa felt as if his heart stopped beating.

"Hello?"

Said something! He screamed in his mind. He opened his mouth, and croaked.

"He... Kaede?" Hanamichi's voice turned wary. "Kaede, is that you?"

Swallowing repeatedly, yet still felt like his throat being cut with a seesaw, he pushed himself to speak. "Hana?"

"Oh God! It's you! Kaede? Kaede! Where the hell have you been?"

It wasn't real! He squeezed his phone so tight, he wondered if he had cut himself.

"Kaede? Did you get my message? Kaede?"

IT WAS REAL!

Suddenly couldn't control himself, Rukawa started sobbing. He bit his lips so hard to control it, but it felt as difficult and useless as stopping flowing water from a broken dam. It had been three months! Three long, agonized months!

"Kaede! OH GOD! Are you crying? I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."

"Don't," Rukawa whispered.

"What?"

"Don't... don't go... I'm...I'm..."

"Kaede?" Hanamichi's tone was desperate.

"I'm leaving to Japan. Right away," Rukawa said, finally able to control himself. "Hana, I... I love you too."

"Kaede! Say that again!"

"I love you, Hanamichi. I love you too."

***

TBC


End file.
